I want

To SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS WHEN PEOPLE ARE STUPID!!!!!

Yay!

:(

I love feeling totally disconnected from my family. Greatest feeling ever. I guess this is me finally separating myself from them in building a new life with my family. It's sucks that I don't feel welcome here anymore. Mom and dad make me feel at home but no one else. :(

If

GRRRAARRRR!

If only

If only people spent 50% of the time they spend thinking about how wrong gay marriage is on thinking about how to prevent abortions we could save so many lives....

One Test

So this cycle I have ONE pregnancy test. I am just hoping that I have a sticky baby this month and I have the patience to wait at least until the latest time my period would start. Maybe having one test is a good sign that I will only NEED one.... Fertile window starts soon I think. I feel a wetness when I wipe but nothing stretchy yet. Temp is riding about average so well see how it goes!

Bad Mood

I am in a bad mood. My daughter has been a cranky for most of the day, my shoulders are killing me from my massage yesterday. Which was lovely but now I regret telling her to go deep on my shoulder blades. :-{ Will probably not learn because during the massage it feels wonderful. Anyways, we went to the zoo today, it was very hot and she didn't really drink a lot of water. I was concerned, she then napped when we got home until 8 which was totally my fault. I tried to wake her up but she just cried and screamed, rolled her eyes into the back of her head and fell back to sleep. Now she is awake and keep running into our bedroom and trying to climb up on the bed when shes got Mickey Mouse club in her room but when I try to turn it off she screams. She has started shrieking! I don't know where she learned it, its not the usual scream cry, its loud and high pitched like someone is murdering her. Its frustrating. So anyways, since my body was aching so bad I took a hot bath when I got home and some Percocet and Phenergan with my nighttime savella and now I just want to pass out I am so tired and she is wide awake! Brad has to work in the am so I am SOL. :-{ I will get through it I know so I am just browsing the net. Havent done that in a while. We shall see what I can find..... Good night

Not true yet

Not true yet but this is how I will tell DH and parents... Super cute. Can't wait until its real...

Frustrated

It's very disheartening when my husband complains about me saying "i hurt" all the time when he touches me. Over the last three months since I have started taking savella I have been more active and with less pain than I can remember in the last ten years or so. I have ridden my new bike several times, worked out, kept up with house work and laundry, increased our sex by triple! Does it mean I never have pain anymore or will never have pain again? Absolutely not. I still have pain every day but now I am able to function and not be disabled by pain. I have taken such massive steps forward that's its frustrating to hear this yet again on the ONE day so far this month I've said anything about hurting. I'm stressed about Samantha, haven't slept well all week, stressing about our Magnet appraises next week and been dealing with crazy shit at work with the computers down. And to make things 100% worse he is turning Samantha away from TLC because he's mad at me!! She wanted to give him Eskimo kisses before bed and its a good step because she's been cranky most of the day since being at the dr for blood draws and such and he pushed her away and said "no I hurt". Ohhhh!! I could have PUNCHED HIS LIGHTS OUT! Just because in don't enjoy him touching my nipples constantly when we are not in the throws of sex doesn't mean I hurt or that I never want him to do that. My nipples are very sensitive since breast feeding. Well since forever actually and it's very frustrating for him to get ANGRY at me about not wanting him to do that. Kind of ridiculous actually. I don't do things that make him uncomfortable just because I want to do them but he insists on randomly grabbing or rubbing my nipples every day! Ugh! Why can't he just understand what it feels like? Not that I wish pain on anyone, and I of ALL people know how annoying it is to hear it over and over again but put himself in MY shows and actually be the one in pain and see how he'd feel about being so passive and sometimes cruel about "I hurt". That's all my raving for now. 

Samantha has got something going on. Really broke down today because Dr said to take her across the river to cardinal Glenon for IVF. :( then we took her to dr and she got blood drawn, popped in her jar or rather diaper that I dug  out and filled the jars with. Nastiest thing ever!!!! Hopefully we will hear something before the weekend start sz fingers crossed. Maybe we will have a long journey with her health ahead if us which is why God has chosen to have us wait in our baby making. Just a thought. 

Goodnight. 

Annoyed and depressed now

I have been charting and feeling up my good parts as well as doing the deed on all the obvious days which is a lot and while neurotically taking my pregnancy test tonight (third BFN today) I saw a small light bloody clot. Assuming I will start AF soon. I am just so beside myself. What am I doing wrong? I don't understand. I KNOW in my heart God wants me to have another or this yearning wouldn't be so overflowing in my mind but why haven't I achieved success yet?!? :( pondering. Will sleep sad tonight. 

NEUROTIC!

Waiting waiting!!

Ugh it's excruciating! I have even taken tests knowing they will be negative even if I am pregnant! Can't someone tell me how to stop being so neurotic?! If I am then I am if I'm not I'm not!! Aaahhhh

Hoping

Entering my physical data- hoping to get a BFP soon. Thinking I had bad implantation pain today. Hoping its not pre AF!

Hoping

Really nauseated today, hoping its for good reason!

Cranky

I am so cranky today. Samantha has been sick the last two days and I have has to work the last two days. Work a total of 24 hours with less than 3 hours of sleep is awful! And now that I am off i have. Dirty house to clean, laundry to do from all the vomit, baby shower gifts to get and wrap, bills to attend to and I am doing it alone! And on top of it all i did way to much this last week and i am in alot of pain. i have take percocet three times this week and i have a feeling today with make four. Cranky cranky cranky! And it sucks even more because I don't really know when I should expect my next period so I don't know when to take a pregnancy test! I guess this month I'm going to have to wait until the latest because with the shower gifts I don't have enough money to buy a ton of tests!

2WW

I have never heard this phrase before but it's my new favorite/enemy! Of course you know brad and I are trying for another baby. 2WW means two week wait. It is the time between ovulation and the days you can take a pregnancy test! It's excruciating!!! But I am hopeful this month. I have been getting much more familiar with my body and hopefully recognized all the signs of my fertility and had sex ALOT during that week. So I am hoping the next time i post here I will have another bun in the oven! Wish me luck!!!

Too much?

Can a married person have too much sex? I didn't think so but I am apparently wrong. Kinda feeling like a failure as a woman at this moment. Not to mention no help from the other side in making me feel better. 

:( 

Update

Well life had been pretty good. Pain is back but not as intolerable. I have only taken a Percocet ONCE since starting new med. that's massive progress. Still trying to get another baby in me! Hopefully this will be the month. Haven't been able to stay on top of temps but cervical position and cervical fluid I've got down. Pretty cool once you're familiar with your body how massively it changes.  Sex drive definitely boosted last week or so. Have DTD almost everyday for last week. Hopefully that also ups the chances for conceiving this month. I just want to be pregnant again. I am confident i will keep better track of the while process this time. With bump pics and journaling. At least I hope I will. Here's to hoping. Samantha's two year birthday is monday. i can't hardly believe it! Anyways, time for sleep now, working in the am. 

I did it!

Second time ever, was pretty nice. 

Lonely

So today I realized how lonely I feel even when I'm with my family. I used to be a part of my family and now that I'm married with a baby I always feel like an outsider looking in when I visit. Nobody lets me know about things going on, I'm not invited into pictures, I don't get invited anywhere even when I can't make it and when they get together for family celebrations like birthdays I am always the one who gets left out. I know that things are different because we are our own little family now, brad Sam and I. But I do love the rest of my family and sometimes it would be nice if someone texted me a picture of their new tattoos or called and said hey were going to lunch want to join? Or even grab me in for a picture while you are snapping away on ur phone. It's just sad I guess to have spent so much of my life bonded with them and now it's all different. I wouldn't trade my life with brad and Sam for anything i guess I just wish I could have my cake and eat it too.

Please be a phase

So woke up this morning tired and sore head to toe. :( hoping this is just from lifting and not my normal pain coming back. I've been feeling so great I will be really heartbroken if that's as long as savella will last. Here's to hoping my shower some migraine meds and a cup of coffee give me the kick start I need. Family in town and josh and Nina's graduation today.

Triggers

So I definitely know some of the things that trigger my pain. Sitting in chairs for long amounts of time and lifting things. I have been feeling great for about three weeks now and I finally got a twinge of back and leg pain today. It's shooting down my leg and making me almost fall over. Yikes! Looks like ice and heat tonight. Still bearable enough to not take narcotics but well see tonight.

What's wrong with Drs?!

So yesterday I called for the dr who wrote savella for me to give me a reg script because it was working and my PA called back and said she would write it and to take one a day and if it doesn't work to take two.... This isn't something like a pain pill. It has to build in your system to be affective, why in the hell would I want to go backwards if this is working fine. I am on the normal dose and she wants to cut it in half? Geez

Savella is working

Need I say more... I don't think I have felt this great in five years!!! I knew it would happen! Now I just need to keep my fingers crossed that it doesn't wear off!

Go figure

So yesterday I decided to call dr office for hcg blood test and as soon as I got home from having blood drawn I started bleeding lightly. Then this morning I started full on. Cramps heavy bleeding the whole thing. :( I should just stop worrying about it and put it in His hands.

Now 11 days late

It's very frustrating to be actively trying to conceive and to be this late with so many negative pregnancy tests. When I arrived home today I had a nickel size mucus clot that was brownish as well as cramps for most of the day. Assuming I will begin my period tonight or tomorrow. :( which when I go back to last months fertile days and ovulation day changes if I start now then ALL the days I had sex (which was ALOT) were all the wrong days!!! I know it's really in His hands. Just hope He intends for me to have another baby. I want Sam for have a friend and someone to grow up with and make memories with. When we get old and die I want her to have family. :) that's all.

Sad

I hate pregnancy tests! I have been TTC for 9 months now with no success. I'm feeling down.

More pics I need feedback! Positive or not

Positive?

I can't tell! There is a faint blue line but reviews for this specific test day it gives a lot of false positives and all the other tests I took ate negative. GGGRRRR!

Late

So I still have not started my period, I am now 2 days late. Not really super abnormal. I do however feel like shit. I'm nauseated, I've got a pounding headache that just doesn't want to go away and my body is starting to ache everywhere. So much for that Medrol dose pak working for a while. My house is a mess again even though I left it sparkle clean when I went to work yesterday. And my daughter has a cold so all she wants is mommy. Brad has a friend coming over, his step sister is in town and wants to come see our new house which means I have to get it presentable and make food. Ugh! All I want to do is take a hot shower, and pain pill and sit in my cozy bed with a heating pad all day. And NOT work this weekend. Oh well, done with my woe is me post.

Still nothing

I don't know what I thought a day would do. Having cramps now. Figured I'm going to have my period. This sucks!

Addicted

So here is that time of month again where I should start my period in 2 days and I was so sure I had sex on the right days. (ALL OF THE RIGHT DAYS) and still saying negative. I have a problem. I don't know why i keep taking so many especially since they keep telling me what I don't want to hear. "No- you're not pregnant" jeez! I thought getting pregnant was easy.... Yea not so much.

Boo

I am annoyed as hell. my husband is trying to use the house as an excuse not to work hard during his school for respiratory therapy. He says that he will have class Monday Wednesday Thursday and Friday and that he's not going to be able to work while he's in the program. That is still three days every week that he can work which is what he works now three days a week. Time to grow up and be a big boy and do the things that are necessary to get by in this life which is working hard. I was not the only one who bought this house you bought it with me. If we lost our cable we lost our Internet and we lost our phone and you stop by magic cards. all the time we would have plenty of money to get by. Don't even try to think about blaming me for buying a house because you can't suck it up and not have a day off. If you work hard for two years then you will have your degree and we will be fine.

Convincing

Isn't it funny that its still one week yet until my expected period that I find myself with the need to take a THIRD pregnancy test. Like even if I was pregnant now a test would magically tell me a week before it would even show. I told myself tonight that if it was negative (which even if I am pregnant a negative would be my result this early) that I wouldn't take another one unless I'd miss my period. Yea totally made myself see a FAINT blue line (which is probably all in my head) convincing myself if I just wait a few more days my hcg levels would rise enough for early tests to be positive. I'm crazy, I'm baby fever crazy! I don't understand where this need to be a mother to a billion babies comes from. I guess God just meant me to be a mother. :D ill take it! That's all, I'm wiped out. Long day at work then five hour trip almost to STL yuck. Night!

Feeling Down

As usually my body aches. Actually today it's throbbing, yelling, screaming at me. I worked all weekend with three more days ahead of me (*sigh) and even laying in bed my legs are cramping so I am constantly moving them and my hips are killing me like an old lady on a sex spree! My ankles throb, my shoulders are burning. I have had numbness in my hands all day but the worst is my back. It's sending shooting pain up and down my body. I think I may have overdone it today. And I'm afraid I've got another ovarian cyst. My pelvic area is hurting bad today too. Hoping tomorrow will be better. Really want to take Sam swimming at the YMCA. Thanks for reading my rant.

Stupid Weather

I hate weather changes, especially web they happen so fast. Couple weeks ago we had a foot or more of snow on the ground, this week it's humidity And tornado watches. My hips feel like I'm a 90 year old woman and my joints are puffed up like marshmallows in a microwave. :( I wish pain would just go away.

Frustrating

It's frustrating to be so debilitated with something no one can see or understand. I went thrift shopping for 6 hours today with my husband and daughter and I am in so much pain! I've been in my couch since we arrived home with ice. Usually like my heating pad but that decided to break on me tonight and I don't have the energy to go get a new one. I've given in to pain meds know full well it may make it so I'm not in tears anymore but hopefully it will help me sleep. And its so awful that my husband doesn't care/understand. Or at least he seems like that. So passive when I say how miserable I am. I guess I should put myself in his shoes. I'm sure it would mke me nuts to hear him say the same thing every day. :( but still every once and a while I just wish he would say "honey, I'm so sorry you're hurting. It must be awful, what can I do for you?"

Baby Fever

By the way, ally friends are pregnant. It's sad because I am sooo happy for them all but SO JEALOUS at the same time. I know I've had my turn and I've got all kinds of new exciting things happening but I want more babies!

Done.

So the stress of moving has seemed to have settled. We are officially in our new home. Closed and all! Can hardly believe that we own a home. Although the last several weeks have definitely taken a toll on my body. The last few days, especially the ones I've worked I have been in terrible pain. As in I hardly wanted to get up to take care of my patients I hurt so bad. My friend Kristen was wonderful enough to research and order a new TENS unit for me which has meant the difference between calling off and being bedridden and working several 12 hr shifts in a row. I have been taking hot baths and meds and using hot pack. Still pain is bad, barely manageable. I am doing more research and using my herbs but I don't notice a difference yet. My stomach has started acting up as well. Threw up for first time in new house less than one week after move in. :( no good. But I now have the next four days off. I'm so excited. Brad wants to go thrifting and I'm fighting with myself on whether I should or not. We really need to save and there is nothing we NEED. He just wants to find things for his game room. Although I do have to admit the last few times we've gone I have found a lot of great deals. It's addicting. Massage again tomorrow, well see if she can get the ton of knots that I have worked out or at least down so my fingers get their feeling back!

Pissed off letter

My name is Sarah Jacobs. I am attempting to purchase a property at 4918 West Washington Street in Belleville, Illinois. I am writing this letter to you because I wanted everyone involved in this transaction to be aware of my frustration. My scheduled closing date was April second at ten in the morning. I was informed at four in the afternoon on April first that this closing had to be cancelled or postponed to a later date because a quit claim deed had not been properly obtained for our property. I was understandably upset that our date had changed and I was finding out less than 24 hours before our scheduled closing. I made phone calls and had my real estate agent get involved and speak with the selling agent. There were multiple people involved in this transaction, so I will be sending this to all parties. So after this issue had been “resolved”, a new closing date was scheduled for April 3 at 1:30 in the afternoon. So after believing that these issues were taken care of I re-rented a Uhaul, loaded the entire contents of my current residence and was ready to unload in a home when I found out LESS than one hour before our scheduled closing that we again could not close because there was yet another glitch. After several hours of phone calls back and forth I was told that this closing would not happen April 3. Because I have a written contract with Settlement date included stating on page 1 of the addendum, paragraph 2, section a: “It is agreed that the time is of the essence with respect to all dates specified in the Agreement. This means that all deadlines are intended to be strict and absolute.” This legal statement makes me believe that it is acceptable to expect to be in our new home on the day of closing and that our closing date and time is final. I have had address’s changed so I will be expecting mail delivery to new property, I have scheduled utility companies to come and read meters, cable company to set up service, movers to assist in heavy lifting, not to mention renting a uhaul for ONE day that will now turn out to be several days which I do not have a reservation for and truck will need to be turned in before 5 pm on April 4. I will now have to unload all personal belongings into a storage unit as we have given notice to our current landlord believing we would have a property at this time. I am being put into an extremely inconvenient situation and I had hoped that professionals such as yourselves would understand my predicament and assist in a satisfactory and timely matter to correct any delays you have created. I understand that things sometimes fall through the cracks but I had a signed contract in hand February second. This is sufficient time to prepare all documents needed to close and had there been an issue, I should have been informed in a timely manner. Less than 24 hours and less than one hour to closing is an inappropriate time. I will be contacting anyone necessary to convey the amount of frustration and resistance I have encountered over the last several days. This has been a very unscrupulous process and I will no longer have a good experience to pass along to other people who are interested in purchasing a home that deals with Fisher and Shapiro. I still, as of current, do not have a time and date for closing.

Big Day

Tomorrow is the big day. Here I come new home!

Thoughtful

The thoughtful thing to do would have been to call me on your way home while she was still asleep to give me time to get ready for bed instead of bringing a screaming exhausted baby into the house while I'm still in the bath and just putting her down. We both work tomorrow but I have ALOT to get done and way more hours to work and if she's awake all night it's not going to be a good day. I know she's been driving you mad all day but please be thoughtful of the whole family and not just yourself next time. Just putting this out of my head into the universe. That will be all.

Drugs

Pain really unbearable this week. First we have a week of summer weather (70's +) then we get over a foot of snow back to warmth all in the course of a week. Eww and awful for my fibro. Then on top of it I've been lifting boxes, packing and standing on my feet all day for several days. It's excruciating. So I'm in day two of my requested Medrol dose pack and I gave in and took a whole Percocet today but because I've been so nauseated taking the quarters And halves I took 8mg zofran and 24mg of phenergan. Hoping I'm in for a night of restful pain free sleep. Hot bath now aNd some pintrest. Getting ready to close! I can't believe than in three days I will be a home owner! Please pray for me.

Precious

As I lay here in a lot of pain from stress, weather changes, work and general bad health I realize that through all the pain, stress, exhaustion, sadness and heartache in my life, I can never hold my daughter and not feel utter awe for the joy and love I have for her in my heart. She is the absolute best thing that has happened to me so far in this life. It took every ounce of willpower I had to put her snugly precious little body down while I type this and roll over for bed. Sometimes I just can't get over how blessed I am that God has given her to me. It also makes me realize the love my mother must have for me. I would do anything for Samantha and my mother does the same for me. Just about anything. Without expectations or hoping for anything in return. She is just constantly giving of herself and I couldn't ask for a wiser, more gentle or loving person to call mine. My thanks and prayers go out to my loved ones tonight and every night. God bless!

ThunderSnow!

What the hell. It is March 24 and its snowing like mad! I don't like it one bit an neither does my fibro.

Depressed or Fatigued?

So this morning I woke up, tired and stiff as usual. Had some breakfast and a shower. Listened to some music and went to have lunch with my mom and sister. So in the course if being there and here my mood took a tragic turn. I was ok this morning. Borderline happy and had some energy then before they picked me up I sat down on the couch and it hit me.... Exhaustion. I had plenty of sleep last night and I'm not in a terrible amount of pain. I am just spent. It's making me nuts. More than that its making me depressed. I got home changes into my pajamas, cuddled up in the couch and texted apologies to my family for lacking energy and happiness. People shouldn't have to do that. I hate my body. I hate its pain, i hate its weakness, I hate its fat, I hate its irritable bowels and popping ovaries. I want a new one. Maybe then ill have a better outlook on life. I have spent so much time at work I feel like I put my happiness into my patients and don't save any for me...... Ponder it and comment.

Exhaustion

Exhaustion [ɪgˈzɔːstʃən]
n
1. extreme tiredness; fatigue
2. the condition of being used up; consumption exhaustion of the earth's resources
3. the act of exhausting or the state of being exhausted




This is all I have to say.

Herbal Remedies For Pain

So lately I have been feeling the need to broaden my knowledge of herbal remedies for fibromyalgia. Because I'm sick of pain and exhaustion and sick of taking antidepressants and pain meds that are supposed to make me better but only get me to the "functional" point. So yesterday I went and bought cayenne capsules, Korean ginger capsules and some acai extract gels. Took them thinking I'd be fine and I very well may have been had it not been for the half Percocet I took without anti nausea meds. BIG MISTAKE! I threw up because the pain meds made me nauseated and all I could feel was FIRE coming out of my throat. Apparently the nurse in me didn't take all the risks into consideration when popping these pills (especially cayenne pepper concentrate) into my mouth. So today I still have lingering stings in the back of my throat and heartburn meant for the devil. Hopefully in the future I will realize this and decide to look up all side effects. Well that's all for now I will continue to guzzle my water today.

Three Weeks

So it's three weeks today that we close on our first home. Some boxes are packed, I'm working extra hours, I hope all goes well. Please Lord give me strength to relax and focus on all of the things that lie ahead of me. Through You I will find my way. And please also give my husband energy and heart to help me get done what needs to be done so I won't have to do it alone. Open his heart and mind to Your presence and guide him to be a good husband and father.

Once Again

Once again I woke up to a messy house with barely enough energy to get out if bed. Yet here I am sitting in my robe waiting for breakfast blueberry muffins to be ready, Samantha watching toy story with her diaper changed and my teeth brush. How it happened already I have no clue! I'm in autopilot in the morning I guess! Thank goodness for that. Now I have to find the button I push to get me magically showered, diaper bag packed, Samantha dressed and food in our bellies! Anybody know where it is?! At least I am looking forward to putting on real clothes today and makeup after my hair is done. If I could stay in my sweats all day cuddled up in my bed with my giant body pillow and down comforter in would be ok. Butttttt; I cannot so here goes nothing. I hear the ding if the oven, breakfast is ready......

Butterflies

I will take these wings of life and soar through this obstacle called fibromyalgia stopping to smell the flowers and watching others flutter too. When the pain begins to be heavy I will land upon the strongest tree called my friends and family. And when other butterflies become weak I will be their tree. There will be days we all land together and days we will sore through clouds.

Three Babies and a Tired Heart

So I was fighting off an emotional breakdown this morning. Although it seems that I slip very easily in and out of depression, every time I get down in the dumps I am filled with all the horrible things that have happened in my recent life. For instance, I was told in the end of January this year that I was having a "missed miscarriage" whatever the hell that means. I realized that I didn't blog about it. And because I have Samantha in my life now I think my grief was very brief. Thanks be to God. I never wanted to join the club of mothers with babies in heaven and now I've paid my dues twice. It's heartbreaking and when I am filled with self pity I think about it. I am so overwhelmed with the things that are coming up in my life I am having such a difficult time doing things one step at a time. I have a house to clean, laundry to finish and put away. Boxes to pack, and old apartment to clean as well as a new house. Also the fixing of things that are broken in new house, shopping for things I need in both places, paper work to fax, soooooo much and it's just piling on top of me making me feel like I belong on the floor. I literally feel heavy. Like my body parts weight a thousand lbs each. I don't have energy to exercise or cook or clean. How am I supposed to be a good human being let alone a good mother and wife. I take care of patients at work all the time who have to out their lives in hold while healing and I can't do that. This is a life long issue for me and I don't know what to do. Most times I feel hopeless and want to give up but I can't and won't. I just keep on trucking. But what kind of quality of life is that? I really need to find a support group but who knows if I will even have the energy to get THERE. Ohh geez. Ok that's all for now.

Before you judge me

By fibrorelief
This is not my own article but one I’ve gotten from FMS Community at

http://www.fmscommunity.org/lettertonormals.htm and felt it should be shared because it’s so true!

There are the things I would like you to understand before you judge me…

Please know that being sick doesn’t mean I’m not human. I may spend most of my day flat on my back and I might not seem like great company, but I’m still me stuck inside this body. I worry about school, work, family and friends and I’d still like to hear about yours.

Please understand the difference between “happy” and “healthy”. When you’ve got the flu you probably feel miserable but it will pass. I’ve been sick for for so long that I can’t afford to be miserable all the time, in fact I work hard at not being miserable. So if I sound happy, it means that I’m happy, it does not mean that I am well. I may be in pain and sicker than ever.

Please, don’t say, “Oh, you’re sounding better!”.

I am not sounding better, I am sounding happy. If you want to comment on that, you’re welcome.

Please understand that being able to stand up for five minutes, doesn’t mean that I can stand ten minutes, or an hour. It’s likely that five minutes has exhausted my resources and I’ll need to recover – imagine an athlete after a race. They couldn’t repeat that feat right away either. With a lot of diseases you’re either paralyzed or you can move, but with Fibromyalgia it gets more confusing.

Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, “sitting up”, “walking”, “thinking”, “being sociable” and so on … it applies to everything. That’s what a fatigue-based illness does to you.

Please understand that chronic illnesses are variable. It’s quite possible (for me, it’s common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, and the next I’ll struggle to reach the kitchen.

Please don’t attack me when I’m ill by saying, “But you did it before!”.

If you want me to do something, ask if I can and I’ll tell you. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel an invitation at the last minute, if this happens please don’t take it personally.

Please understand that “getting out and doing things” does not make me feel better, and can often make me worse. Fibromyalgia may cause secondary depression (wouldn’t you get depressed if you were no longer able to participate in life?) but it is not caused by depression. Telling me that I need exercise is not appreciated or correct – if I could do it, I would.

Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/take these pills now, that I do have to do it right now – it can’t be put off or forgotten just because I’m doing something. Fibromyalgia does not forgive.

Please understand that I can’t spend all of my energy trying to get well. With a short-term illness like the flu, you can afford to put life on hold for a week or two while you get well. But part of having a chronic illness is coming to the realization that you have to spend some energy on having a life now. This doesn’t mean I’m not trying to get better. It doesn’t mean I’ve given up. It’s just how life is when you’re dealing with a chronic illness.

If you want to suggest a cure, please don’t. It’s not because I don’t appreciate the thought, and it’s not because I don’t want to get well. It’s because every one of my friends has already suggested every theory known to man. I tried them all, but quickly realized I was using up so much energy trying new treatments I was making myself sicker, not better. If there was something that cured Fibromyalgia, all of us would know about it by now.

If you read this and still want to suggest a cure, submit it in writing but don’t expect me to rush out and try it. If it is something new, with merit, I’ll discuss it with my doctor.

Please understand that getting better can be a slow process. Fibromyalgia entails numerous symptoms and it can take a long time to sort them all out.

I depend on you – people who are not sick for many things but most importantly, I need you to understand me.

10 Good things about fibromyalgia

I save money on magazines. With brain fog, I can’t remember what I just read!
I am a cheap date. No alcohol, no dessert and I still feel drunk or hungover.
On ‘good day’s I feel wonderful. Other people need a much better day to feel that way.
I am easy to find…I’m either at the Dr’s office or at home.
I never have to make my bed because I’ll probably be right back in it.
I have acquired a great lounging/sleeping wardbrobe. I rarely get dressed as nobody ever sees me.
Disequilibrium saves money on amusement parks. I get the same sensations every time I stand up!
I feel smarter than my Doctors…all they say is ‘I don’t know’
With short-term memory impairment I can hide my own Easter eggs and Christmas presents.
:)

Fibromyalgia: the other "F" word

Dear Miserable Human Being,

Hi, my name is Fibromyalgia, and I’m an invisible chronic illness. I am now ‘velcroed’ to you for life. Others around you can’t see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me. I can attack you anywhere and anyway I please. I can cause severe pain, or if I am in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over.

Remember when you and Energy ran around together and had fun? I took Energy from you and gave you Exhaustion. Just try to have fun now! I also took Good Sleep from you and in its place gave you Fibro Fog (a.k.a.) Brain Fog. I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal. Oh yeah, I can make you feel anxious or depressed, too. If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away too. You didn’t ask for me. I chose you for various reasons: that virus you had that you never quite recovered from, or that car accident, or childbirth, the death of a loved one, or maybe it was those years of abuse and trauma. Well, anyway, I’m here to stay! I hear you’re going to see a doctor who can get rid of me. I’m ‘ROFL’ (rolling on the floor laughing)! Just try! You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. In fact, you’ll see many doctors who tell you ‘it’s all in your head’ (or some version of that). If you do find a doctor willing to treat this ‘non-disease’, you will be put on pain pills, sleeping pills, and energy pills. You will be told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given a TENS unit, told if you just sleep and exercise properly, I will go away. You’ll be told to think positively, poked, prodded, and most of all, you will not be taken seriously when you cry to the doctor how debilitating life is for you every single day!

Your family, friends, and coworkers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and that I’m a debilitating disease. Some of them will say things like “Oh, you’re just having a bad day”, or “Well, remember, you can’t expect to do the things you used to do 20 years ago,” not hearing that you said “20 DAYS ago”! Some will just start talking behind your back, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity, trying to make them understand, especially when you are in the middle of a conversation with a ‘normal’ person, and can’t remember what you were going to say next!

In closing, you’ve probably figured out that the ONLY place you will get any real support and understanding in dealing with me is with Other People with Fibromyalgia! They are the only ones that will understand your complaints of unrelenting pain, insomnia, fibro fog, the inability to perform the everyday tasks that ‘normal people’ take for granted.

Remember, I’m stuck to you like Velcro – and I expect we’ll be together for the rest of your life.

Have a nice day!! (ROFL),

Confusion

What do you do when you think you and your husband are not on the same life path? Different priorities and opinions? It's frustrating because I can get one answer aNd the next day the answer is different. Make up your mind!!! Be involved in what is going on. Voice what you want instead of keeping it to yourself and blaming me because you're not getting what you want.

That's all I needed to vent.

Little Things

It's the smallest things that drive me nuts. Coming home after 12+ he shift to a dirty apt when it was cleaned the day before, having to also deal with dirty cat pan and baby diaper. Why do I have to work full time, mother full time, clean every day alone, pay bills alone. BUY A HOUSE ALONE. I mean really?! Fair? I think not. Sorry all, just needed a vent . I'm sure I have more in there I do but I'm in pain and tired. I just had to get that thought out if my head before I go to sleep. Depressing.

Stress=Pain!

Buying a house is stressing me out!!!! I do one thing and then it's wait, wait, wait. Then I hear back and do another thing then its back to wait, wait, wait!!!! All this waiting is making me nuts! I could be packing and doing things to prepare to move in but this one last thing has to be approved before were mostly in the clear and all this waiting is driving me nuts!!! Ahhhh. The stress is making me tense and being tense is making me hurt more so stress=pain! Ugh. I know I should stop stressing because if He meant for this to happen it will happen. I'm just terrified that its not what He wants to happen and I've gotten my hopes up just to be shot down! :(

Anyways if anyone even reads this thing say some prayers for me please! Thanks and God bless...

Tired, hungry, in pain!

Today was a long ass day. I am just now getting ready for bed. So hungry Ns no food in house, or at least no quick food. I'm exhausted with no energy to cook. Pizza it is. Have a good night

A Nurse's Experience with Fibromyalgia and Pain Medication

A Nurse's Experience with Fibromyalgia and Pain Medication by Susan Kieffer



Check this out if you are a nurse who suffers from Fibromyalgia. It holds a lot of insight. :-)

Another Day Living with Fibro

So today is a new day, I have been on here twice since I started this blog. So sorry if there is even anyone out there who has read this. I have had a really bad and long last several weeks. First I had a miscarriage, then I was sick with a stomach bug THREE times! ER for severe dehydration with tachycardia complications.  Now its just back to the normal fibro pain. Its been cold then warmer then cold and warmer again. Snow still on the ground from our recent "snowmaggedon" or whatever these folks in Belleville want to call it. I have taken two steroid backs since the begining of the year and although they've helped a lot I am back to ground zero. Pain. Pain. Pain. Today its almost unbearable. I am sitting at work, lickily my team is great. I have a lot of free time. My entire body is just aching and its nipping at me slowly until I feel like I've fallen down Mt Everest and been slammed by a semi truck. :-( Ended up taking some meds at work after the several doses of Aleve did nothing. I am hoping for a epsom salt bath and heating pad when I get home. Hoping this day goes by faster so I can get home to that and my baby girl and hubby. Been reading Fibromyaglia for Dummies. I've gotten a lot of good info out of it. Plus I am just about to switch Dr. We will see how that goes. I have recently had MRI to test for MS. That came back within normal limits. Thank goodness. My Rhuematologist has ordered some more labs for me that I am procrastinating on. I just hate coming up here on my days off and I have such a stack of labs that I need done now that I cant really do them while I am working. Any how, in better news. We bought a house! or we are buying a house. Closing is April 2 and home inspection is tomorrow. I am suppppperrrr excited! We will finally have our own space. and  HUGE backyard for sam to play in. We are inheriting a turtle sandbox and a slide! HURRAY!


So thats about all for now. Prayers going out to friends and family. Please say one for me tonight.

XOXOXO and God Bless