If only

If only people spent 50% of the time they spend thinking about how wrong gay marriage is on thinking about how to prevent abortions we could save so many lives....

One Test

So this cycle I have ONE pregnancy test. I am just hoping that I have a sticky baby this month and I have the patience to wait at least until the latest time my period would start. Maybe having one test is a good sign that I will only NEED one.... Fertile window starts soon I think. I feel a wetness when I wipe but nothing stretchy yet. Temp is riding about average so well see how it goes!

Bad Mood

I am in a bad mood. My daughter has been a cranky for most of the day, my shoulders are killing me from my massage yesterday. Which was lovely but now I regret telling her to go deep on my shoulder blades. :-{ Will probably not learn because during the massage it feels wonderful. Anyways, we went to the zoo today, it was very hot and she didn't really drink a lot of water. I was concerned, she then napped when we got home until 8 which was totally my fault. I tried to wake her up but she just cried and screamed, rolled her eyes into the back of her head and fell back to sleep. Now she is awake and keep running into our bedroom and trying to climb up on the bed when shes got Mickey Mouse club in her room but when I try to turn it off she screams. She has started shrieking! I don't know where she learned it, its not the usual scream cry, its loud and high pitched like someone is murdering her. Its frustrating. So anyways, since my body was aching so bad I took a hot bath when I got home and some Percocet and Phenergan with my nighttime savella and now I just want to pass out I am so tired and she is wide awake! Brad has to work in the am so I am SOL. :-{ I will get through it I know so I am just browsing the net. Havent done that in a while. We shall see what I can find..... Good night

Not true yet

Not true yet but this is how I will tell DH and parents... Super cute. Can't wait until its real...

Frustrated

It's very disheartening when my husband complains about me saying "i hurt" all the time when he touches me. Over the last three months since I have started taking savella I have been more active and with less pain than I can remember in the last ten years or so. I have ridden my new bike several times, worked out, kept up with house work and laundry, increased our sex by triple! Does it mean I never have pain anymore or will never have pain again? Absolutely not. I still have pain every day but now I am able to function and not be disabled by pain. I have taken such massive steps forward that's its frustrating to hear this yet again on the ONE day so far this month I've said anything about hurting. I'm stressed about Samantha, haven't slept well all week, stressing about our Magnet appraises next week and been dealing with crazy shit at work with the computers down. And to make things 100% worse he is turning Samantha away from TLC because he's mad at me!! She wanted to give him Eskimo kisses before bed and its a good step because she's been cranky most of the day since being at the dr for blood draws and such and he pushed her away and said "no I hurt". Ohhhh!! I could have PUNCHED HIS LIGHTS OUT! Just because in don't enjoy him touching my nipples constantly when we are not in the throws of sex doesn't mean I hurt or that I never want him to do that. My nipples are very sensitive since breast feeding. Well since forever actually and it's very frustrating for him to get ANGRY at me about not wanting him to do that. Kind of ridiculous actually. I don't do things that make him uncomfortable just because I want to do them but he insists on randomly grabbing or rubbing my nipples every day! Ugh! Why can't he just understand what it feels like? Not that I wish pain on anyone, and I of ALL people know how annoying it is to hear it over and over again but put himself in MY shows and actually be the one in pain and see how he'd feel about being so passive and sometimes cruel about "I hurt". That's all my raving for now. 

Samantha has got something going on. Really broke down today because Dr said to take her across the river to cardinal Glenon for IVF. :( then we took her to dr and she got blood drawn, popped in her jar or rather diaper that I dug  out and filled the jars with. Nastiest thing ever!!!! Hopefully we will hear something before the weekend start sz fingers crossed. Maybe we will have a long journey with her health ahead if us which is why God has chosen to have us wait in our baby making. Just a thought. 

Goodnight. 

Annoyed and depressed now

I have been charting and feeling up my good parts as well as doing the deed on all the obvious days which is a lot and while neurotically taking my pregnancy test tonight (third BFN today) I saw a small light bloody clot. Assuming I will start AF soon. I am just so beside myself. What am I doing wrong? I don't understand. I KNOW in my heart God wants me to have another or this yearning wouldn't be so overflowing in my mind but why haven't I achieved success yet?!? :( pondering. Will sleep sad tonight. 

NEUROTIC!

Waiting waiting!!

Ugh it's excruciating! I have even taken tests knowing they will be negative even if I am pregnant! Can't someone tell me how to stop being so neurotic?! If I am then I am if I'm not I'm not!! Aaahhhh

Hoping

Entering my physical data- hoping to get a BFP soon. Thinking I had bad implantation pain today. Hoping its not pre AF!

Hoping

Really nauseated today, hoping its for good reason!

Cranky

I am so cranky today. Samantha has been sick the last two days and I have has to work the last two days. Work a total of 24 hours with less than 3 hours of sleep is awful! And now that I am off i have. Dirty house to clean, laundry to do from all the vomit, baby shower gifts to get and wrap, bills to attend to and I am doing it alone! And on top of it all i did way to much this last week and i am in alot of pain. i have take percocet three times this week and i have a feeling today with make four. Cranky cranky cranky! And it sucks even more because I don't really know when I should expect my next period so I don't know when to take a pregnancy test! I guess this month I'm going to have to wait until the latest because with the shower gifts I don't have enough money to buy a ton of tests!

2WW

I have never heard this phrase before but it's my new favorite/enemy! Of course you know brad and I are trying for another baby. 2WW means two week wait. It is the time between ovulation and the days you can take a pregnancy test! It's excruciating!!! But I am hopeful this month. I have been getting much more familiar with my body and hopefully recognized all the signs of my fertility and had sex ALOT during that week. So I am hoping the next time i post here I will have another bun in the oven! Wish me luck!!!

Too much?

Can a married person have too much sex? I didn't think so but I am apparently wrong. Kinda feeling like a failure as a woman at this moment. Not to mention no help from the other side in making me feel better. 

:( 

Update

Well life had been pretty good. Pain is back but not as intolerable. I have only taken a Percocet ONCE since starting new med. that's massive progress. Still trying to get another baby in me! Hopefully this will be the month. Haven't been able to stay on top of temps but cervical position and cervical fluid I've got down. Pretty cool once you're familiar with your body how massively it changes.  Sex drive definitely boosted last week or so. Have DTD almost everyday for last week. Hopefully that also ups the chances for conceiving this month. I just want to be pregnant again. I am confident i will keep better track of the while process this time. With bump pics and journaling. At least I hope I will. Here's to hoping. Samantha's two year birthday is monday. i can't hardly believe it! Anyways, time for sleep now, working in the am.