Thoughtful

The thoughtful thing to do would have been to call me on your way home while she was still asleep to give me time to get ready for bed instead of bringing a screaming exhausted baby into the house while I'm still in the bath and just putting her down. We both work tomorrow but I have ALOT to get done and way more hours to work and if she's awake all night it's not going to be a good day. I know she's been driving you mad all day but please be thoughtful of the whole family and not just yourself next time. Just putting this out of my head into the universe. That will be all.

Drugs

Pain really unbearable this week. First we have a week of summer weather (70's +) then we get over a foot of snow back to warmth all in the course of a week. Eww and awful for my fibro. Then on top of it I've been lifting boxes, packing and standing on my feet all day for several days. It's excruciating. So I'm in day two of my requested Medrol dose pack and I gave in and took a whole Percocet today but because I've been so nauseated taking the quarters And halves I took 8mg zofran and 24mg of phenergan. Hoping I'm in for a night of restful pain free sleep. Hot bath now aNd some pintrest. Getting ready to close! I can't believe than in three days I will be a home owner! Please pray for me.

Precious

As I lay here in a lot of pain from stress, weather changes, work and general bad health I realize that through all the pain, stress, exhaustion, sadness and heartache in my life, I can never hold my daughter and not feel utter awe for the joy and love I have for her in my heart. She is the absolute best thing that has happened to me so far in this life. It took every ounce of willpower I had to put her snugly precious little body down while I type this and roll over for bed. Sometimes I just can't get over how blessed I am that God has given her to me. It also makes me realize the love my mother must have for me. I would do anything for Samantha and my mother does the same for me. Just about anything. Without expectations or hoping for anything in return. She is just constantly giving of herself and I couldn't ask for a wiser, more gentle or loving person to call mine. My thanks and prayers go out to my loved ones tonight and every night. God bless!

ThunderSnow!

What the hell. It is March 24 and its snowing like mad! I don't like it one bit an neither does my fibro.

Depressed or Fatigued?

So this morning I woke up, tired and stiff as usual. Had some breakfast and a shower. Listened to some music and went to have lunch with my mom and sister. So in the course if being there and here my mood took a tragic turn. I was ok this morning. Borderline happy and had some energy then before they picked me up I sat down on the couch and it hit me.... Exhaustion. I had plenty of sleep last night and I'm not in a terrible amount of pain. I am just spent. It's making me nuts. More than that its making me depressed. I got home changes into my pajamas, cuddled up in the couch and texted apologies to my family for lacking energy and happiness. People shouldn't have to do that. I hate my body. I hate its pain, i hate its weakness, I hate its fat, I hate its irritable bowels and popping ovaries. I want a new one. Maybe then ill have a better outlook on life. I have spent so much time at work I feel like I put my happiness into my patients and don't save any for me...... Ponder it and comment.

Exhaustion

Exhaustion [ɪgˈzɔːstʃən]
n
1. extreme tiredness; fatigue
2. the condition of being used up; consumption exhaustion of the earth's resources
3. the act of exhausting or the state of being exhausted




This is all I have to say.

Herbal Remedies For Pain

So lately I have been feeling the need to broaden my knowledge of herbal remedies for fibromyalgia. Because I'm sick of pain and exhaustion and sick of taking antidepressants and pain meds that are supposed to make me better but only get me to the "functional" point. So yesterday I went and bought cayenne capsules, Korean ginger capsules and some acai extract gels. Took them thinking I'd be fine and I very well may have been had it not been for the half Percocet I took without anti nausea meds. BIG MISTAKE! I threw up because the pain meds made me nauseated and all I could feel was FIRE coming out of my throat. Apparently the nurse in me didn't take all the risks into consideration when popping these pills (especially cayenne pepper concentrate) into my mouth. So today I still have lingering stings in the back of my throat and heartburn meant for the devil. Hopefully in the future I will realize this and decide to look up all side effects. Well that's all for now I will continue to guzzle my water today.

Three Weeks

So it's three weeks today that we close on our first home. Some boxes are packed, I'm working extra hours, I hope all goes well. Please Lord give me strength to relax and focus on all of the things that lie ahead of me. Through You I will find my way. And please also give my husband energy and heart to help me get done what needs to be done so I won't have to do it alone. Open his heart and mind to Your presence and guide him to be a good husband and father.

Once Again

Once again I woke up to a messy house with barely enough energy to get out if bed. Yet here I am sitting in my robe waiting for breakfast blueberry muffins to be ready, Samantha watching toy story with her diaper changed and my teeth brush. How it happened already I have no clue! I'm in autopilot in the morning I guess! Thank goodness for that. Now I have to find the button I push to get me magically showered, diaper bag packed, Samantha dressed and food in our bellies! Anybody know where it is?! At least I am looking forward to putting on real clothes today and makeup after my hair is done. If I could stay in my sweats all day cuddled up in my bed with my giant body pillow and down comforter in would be ok. Butttttt; I cannot so here goes nothing. I hear the ding if the oven, breakfast is ready......

Butterflies

I will take these wings of life and soar through this obstacle called fibromyalgia stopping to smell the flowers and watching others flutter too. When the pain begins to be heavy I will land upon the strongest tree called my friends and family. And when other butterflies become weak I will be their tree. There will be days we all land together and days we will sore through clouds.

Three Babies and a Tired Heart

So I was fighting off an emotional breakdown this morning. Although it seems that I slip very easily in and out of depression, every time I get down in the dumps I am filled with all the horrible things that have happened in my recent life. For instance, I was told in the end of January this year that I was having a "missed miscarriage" whatever the hell that means. I realized that I didn't blog about it. And because I have Samantha in my life now I think my grief was very brief. Thanks be to God. I never wanted to join the club of mothers with babies in heaven and now I've paid my dues twice. It's heartbreaking and when I am filled with self pity I think about it. I am so overwhelmed with the things that are coming up in my life I am having such a difficult time doing things one step at a time. I have a house to clean, laundry to finish and put away. Boxes to pack, and old apartment to clean as well as a new house. Also the fixing of things that are broken in new house, shopping for things I need in both places, paper work to fax, soooooo much and it's just piling on top of me making me feel like I belong on the floor. I literally feel heavy. Like my body parts weight a thousand lbs each. I don't have energy to exercise or cook or clean. How am I supposed to be a good human being let alone a good mother and wife. I take care of patients at work all the time who have to out their lives in hold while healing and I can't do that. This is a life long issue for me and I don't know what to do. Most times I feel hopeless and want to give up but I can't and won't. I just keep on trucking. But what kind of quality of life is that? I really need to find a support group but who knows if I will even have the energy to get THERE. Ohh geez. Ok that's all for now.

Before you judge me

By fibrorelief
This is not my own article but one I’ve gotten from FMS Community at

http://www.fmscommunity.org/lettertonormals.htm and felt it should be shared because it’s so true!

There are the things I would like you to understand before you judge me…

Please know that being sick doesn’t mean I’m not human. I may spend most of my day flat on my back and I might not seem like great company, but I’m still me stuck inside this body. I worry about school, work, family and friends and I’d still like to hear about yours.

Please understand the difference between “happy” and “healthy”. When you’ve got the flu you probably feel miserable but it will pass. I’ve been sick for for so long that I can’t afford to be miserable all the time, in fact I work hard at not being miserable. So if I sound happy, it means that I’m happy, it does not mean that I am well. I may be in pain and sicker than ever.

Please, don’t say, “Oh, you’re sounding better!”.

I am not sounding better, I am sounding happy. If you want to comment on that, you’re welcome.

Please understand that being able to stand up for five minutes, doesn’t mean that I can stand ten minutes, or an hour. It’s likely that five minutes has exhausted my resources and I’ll need to recover – imagine an athlete after a race. They couldn’t repeat that feat right away either. With a lot of diseases you’re either paralyzed or you can move, but with Fibromyalgia it gets more confusing.

Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, “sitting up”, “walking”, “thinking”, “being sociable” and so on … it applies to everything. That’s what a fatigue-based illness does to you.

Please understand that chronic illnesses are variable. It’s quite possible (for me, it’s common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, and the next I’ll struggle to reach the kitchen.

Please don’t attack me when I’m ill by saying, “But you did it before!”.

If you want me to do something, ask if I can and I’ll tell you. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel an invitation at the last minute, if this happens please don’t take it personally.

Please understand that “getting out and doing things” does not make me feel better, and can often make me worse. Fibromyalgia may cause secondary depression (wouldn’t you get depressed if you were no longer able to participate in life?) but it is not caused by depression. Telling me that I need exercise is not appreciated or correct – if I could do it, I would.

Please understand that if I say I have to sit down/lie down/take these pills now, that I do have to do it right now – it can’t be put off or forgotten just because I’m doing something. Fibromyalgia does not forgive.

Please understand that I can’t spend all of my energy trying to get well. With a short-term illness like the flu, you can afford to put life on hold for a week or two while you get well. But part of having a chronic illness is coming to the realization that you have to spend some energy on having a life now. This doesn’t mean I’m not trying to get better. It doesn’t mean I’ve given up. It’s just how life is when you’re dealing with a chronic illness.

If you want to suggest a cure, please don’t. It’s not because I don’t appreciate the thought, and it’s not because I don’t want to get well. It’s because every one of my friends has already suggested every theory known to man. I tried them all, but quickly realized I was using up so much energy trying new treatments I was making myself sicker, not better. If there was something that cured Fibromyalgia, all of us would know about it by now.

If you read this and still want to suggest a cure, submit it in writing but don’t expect me to rush out and try it. If it is something new, with merit, I’ll discuss it with my doctor.

Please understand that getting better can be a slow process. Fibromyalgia entails numerous symptoms and it can take a long time to sort them all out.

I depend on you – people who are not sick for many things but most importantly, I need you to understand me.

10 Good things about fibromyalgia

I save money on magazines. With brain fog, I can’t remember what I just read!
I am a cheap date. No alcohol, no dessert and I still feel drunk or hungover.
On ‘good day’s I feel wonderful. Other people need a much better day to feel that way.
I am easy to find…I’m either at the Dr’s office or at home.
I never have to make my bed because I’ll probably be right back in it.
I have acquired a great lounging/sleeping wardbrobe. I rarely get dressed as nobody ever sees me.
Disequilibrium saves money on amusement parks. I get the same sensations every time I stand up!
I feel smarter than my Doctors…all they say is ‘I don’t know’
With short-term memory impairment I can hide my own Easter eggs and Christmas presents.
:)

Fibromyalgia: the other "F" word

Dear Miserable Human Being,

Hi, my name is Fibromyalgia, and I’m an invisible chronic illness. I am now ‘velcroed’ to you for life. Others around you can’t see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me. I can attack you anywhere and anyway I please. I can cause severe pain, or if I am in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over.

Remember when you and Energy ran around together and had fun? I took Energy from you and gave you Exhaustion. Just try to have fun now! I also took Good Sleep from you and in its place gave you Fibro Fog (a.k.a.) Brain Fog. I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal. Oh yeah, I can make you feel anxious or depressed, too. If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away too. You didn’t ask for me. I chose you for various reasons: that virus you had that you never quite recovered from, or that car accident, or childbirth, the death of a loved one, or maybe it was those years of abuse and trauma. Well, anyway, I’m here to stay! I hear you’re going to see a doctor who can get rid of me. I’m ‘ROFL’ (rolling on the floor laughing)! Just try! You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. In fact, you’ll see many doctors who tell you ‘it’s all in your head’ (or some version of that). If you do find a doctor willing to treat this ‘non-disease’, you will be put on pain pills, sleeping pills, and energy pills. You will be told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given a TENS unit, told if you just sleep and exercise properly, I will go away. You’ll be told to think positively, poked, prodded, and most of all, you will not be taken seriously when you cry to the doctor how debilitating life is for you every single day!

Your family, friends, and coworkers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and that I’m a debilitating disease. Some of them will say things like “Oh, you’re just having a bad day”, or “Well, remember, you can’t expect to do the things you used to do 20 years ago,” not hearing that you said “20 DAYS ago”! Some will just start talking behind your back, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity, trying to make them understand, especially when you are in the middle of a conversation with a ‘normal’ person, and can’t remember what you were going to say next!

In closing, you’ve probably figured out that the ONLY place you will get any real support and understanding in dealing with me is with Other People with Fibromyalgia! They are the only ones that will understand your complaints of unrelenting pain, insomnia, fibro fog, the inability to perform the everyday tasks that ‘normal people’ take for granted.

Remember, I’m stuck to you like Velcro – and I expect we’ll be together for the rest of your life.

Have a nice day!! (ROFL),

Confusion

What do you do when you think you and your husband are not on the same life path? Different priorities and opinions? It's frustrating because I can get one answer aNd the next day the answer is different. Make up your mind!!! Be involved in what is going on. Voice what you want instead of keeping it to yourself and blaming me because you're not getting what you want.

That's all I needed to vent.