I did it!

Second time ever, was pretty nice. 

Lonely

So today I realized how lonely I feel even when I'm with my family. I used to be a part of my family and now that I'm married with a baby I always feel like an outsider looking in when I visit. Nobody lets me know about things going on, I'm not invited into pictures, I don't get invited anywhere even when I can't make it and when they get together for family celebrations like birthdays I am always the one who gets left out. I know that things are different because we are our own little family now, brad Sam and I. But I do love the rest of my family and sometimes it would be nice if someone texted me a picture of their new tattoos or called and said hey were going to lunch want to join? Or even grab me in for a picture while you are snapping away on ur phone. It's just sad I guess to have spent so much of my life bonded with them and now it's all different. I wouldn't trade my life with brad and Sam for anything i guess I just wish I could have my cake and eat it too.

Please be a phase

So woke up this morning tired and sore head to toe. :( hoping this is just from lifting and not my normal pain coming back. I've been feeling so great I will be really heartbroken if that's as long as savella will last. Here's to hoping my shower some migraine meds and a cup of coffee give me the kick start I need. Family in town and josh and Nina's graduation today.

Triggers

So I definitely know some of the things that trigger my pain. Sitting in chairs for long amounts of time and lifting things. I have been feeling great for about three weeks now and I finally got a twinge of back and leg pain today. It's shooting down my leg and making me almost fall over. Yikes! Looks like ice and heat tonight. Still bearable enough to not take narcotics but well see tonight.

What's wrong with Drs?!

So yesterday I called for the dr who wrote savella for me to give me a reg script because it was working and my PA called back and said she would write it and to take one a day and if it doesn't work to take two.... This isn't something like a pain pill. It has to build in your system to be affective, why in the hell would I want to go backwards if this is working fine. I am on the normal dose and she wants to cut it in half? Geez

Savella is working

Need I say more... I don't think I have felt this great in five years!!! I knew it would happen! Now I just need to keep my fingers crossed that it doesn't wear off!

Go figure

So yesterday I decided to call dr office for hcg blood test and as soon as I got home from having blood drawn I started bleeding lightly. Then this morning I started full on. Cramps heavy bleeding the whole thing. :( I should just stop worrying about it and put it in His hands.

Now 11 days late

It's very frustrating to be actively trying to conceive and to be this late with so many negative pregnancy tests. When I arrived home today I had a nickel size mucus clot that was brownish as well as cramps for most of the day. Assuming I will begin my period tonight or tomorrow. :( which when I go back to last months fertile days and ovulation day changes if I start now then ALL the days I had sex (which was ALOT) were all the wrong days!!! I know it's really in His hands. Just hope He intends for me to have another baby. I want Sam for have a friend and someone to grow up with and make memories with. When we get old and die I want her to have family. :) that's all.

Sad

I hate pregnancy tests! I have been TTC for 9 months now with no success. I'm feeling down.

More pics I need feedback! Positive or not

Positive?

I can't tell! There is a faint blue line but reviews for this specific test day it gives a lot of false positives and all the other tests I took ate negative. GGGRRRR!

Late

So I still have not started my period, I am now 2 days late. Not really super abnormal. I do however feel like shit. I'm nauseated, I've got a pounding headache that just doesn't want to go away and my body is starting to ache everywhere. So much for that Medrol dose pak working for a while. My house is a mess again even though I left it sparkle clean when I went to work yesterday. And my daughter has a cold so all she wants is mommy. Brad has a friend coming over, his step sister is in town and wants to come see our new house which means I have to get it presentable and make food. Ugh! All I want to do is take a hot shower, and pain pill and sit in my cozy bed with a heating pad all day. And NOT work this weekend. Oh well, done with my woe is me post.