Three Babies and a Tired Heart

So I was fighting off an emotional breakdown this morning. Although it seems that I slip very easily in and out of depression, every time I get down in the dumps I am filled with all the horrible things that have happened in my recent life. For instance, I was told in the end of January this year that I was having a "missed miscarriage" whatever the hell that means. I realized that I didn't blog about it. And because I have Samantha in my life now I think my grief was very brief. Thanks be to God. I never wanted to join the club of mothers with babies in heaven and now I've paid my dues twice. It's heartbreaking and when I am filled with self pity I think about it. I am so overwhelmed with the things that are coming up in my life I am having such a difficult time doing things one step at a time. I have a house to clean, laundry to finish and put away. Boxes to pack, and old apartment to clean as well as a new house. Also the fixing of things that are broken in new house, shopping for things I need in both places, paper work to fax, soooooo much and it's just piling on top of me making me feel like I belong on the floor. I literally feel heavy. Like my body parts weight a thousand lbs each. I don't have energy to exercise or cook or clean. How am I supposed to be a good human being let alone a good mother and wife. I take care of patients at work all the time who have to out their lives in hold while healing and I can't do that. This is a life long issue for me and I don't know what to do. Most times I feel hopeless and want to give up but I can't and won't. I just keep on trucking. But what kind of quality of life is that? I really need to find a support group but who knows if I will even have the energy to get THERE. Ohh geez. Ok that's all for now.